Spider whose bite can cause 4-hour erections found in family’s store-bought bananas


It’s always disappointing to come home from the grocery store to discover that your fresh produce isn’t that fresh, but let’s take a second to put your suffering into perspective.

Maria Layton, a mother from South Wales in the UK, had a much worse experience than whatever bruised apples you’ve complained about. Layton became distressed when she grabbed a quick snack for her 6-year-old daughter, and noticed peculiar spots on bananas that her husband had brought home from supermarket chain Tesco.

As it turns out, the fruits were infested with a Brazilian wandering spider and spider eggs.

Layton had reportedly heard about the deadly spiders before, and decided to investigate. Her suspicion that terrifying eight-legged monsters had snuck into her home via a potassium-filled Trojan horse turned out to be correct.

The Brazilian wandering spider is part of the genus Phoneutria, which is — fittingly — Greek for murderess. The spider’s bite can cause painful erections that last approximately four hours, and can lead to impotence if it doesn’t kill you first. Scientists are currently researching the venom as a potential remedy for erectile dysfunction.

Layton reportedly put the bananas in a container, stored them in her freezer and called Tesco customer services for help. She said she was concerned that some of the spiders could escape and attack her daughter.

Tesco apologized to Layton, and asked her to return the bananas to the store for a refund, which seems like a totally adequate response after finding out that you sold deadly boner spiders to a family.