Amazon wants its drones to team up and stalk you

A new patent application reveals how the company’s planned delivery robots will collaborate to figure out the best way to get you your stuff, wherever you may be, right now.


Amazon doesn’t just want drones to be able to deliver your orders to your doorstep, it would like them to be able to deliver them to wherever you took your most recent footstep.

In a patent application recently published by the US Patent and Trademark Office, Amazon describes methods by which its drones can track a customer via their smartphone to discern their current location, such as a friend’s house, and deliver the package accordingly.

That’s right, Amazon could be asking you to opt in to a system some day soon where its drones will basically stalk you, desperate to get the latest Star Wars/Shakespeare mashup or the new “Iron Man” Samsung Galaxy S6 into your hands, IMMEDIATELY!

If the idea of your personal drone tracking your location around town seems a little creepy, it’s actually much creepier than that. The patent application also describes how Amazon’s fleet of drones would be able to communicate with each other to provide continuous updates on conditions and routes and, who knows, aggressive flocks of pigeons in the area, I guess. In other words, we’re not just talking about stalking drones, we’re also talking teams of stalking drones working together to provide the most effective stalking service possible.

Of course, all this depends on an Amazon customer actually requesting this service. The patent application shows a sample order dialog that offers a choice of predetermined locations for delivery or a “Bring It to Me” option. You can also set the time of delivery as well as the place.

So if any of this makes you uncomfortable, just think of the fun we can all have with our future drone stalkers.

I look forward to the day I can schedule a delivery of energy drinks to the starting line of a half-marathon. Just as the drone approaches with my refreshments, the starting gun will crack and my personal unmanned aerial butler will proceed to chase me down the race course, just waiting to drop off my beverages the moment I’m ready to stop for a pick-me-up.

Don’t fear the future folks, just hack it.